Apologies for the Tasering

Dear Tammi,

Please accept my sincerest apologies for having tasered you. It was an awful mistake. Actually, it was the culmination of a series of awful mistakes, and I am deeply sorry for all of them.

First off, I should have never brought my taser gun to your pool party. I had just gotten it the day before. And, you know when you get a new gadget? You just want to play with it right away?

Secondly, I should not have recharged it beyond the manufacturer’s recommendations. I had been reading some DIY tech blogs, and a guy in Russia found the taser’s internal override switch. My curiosity got the better of me.

When Bill said he was a better dancer than me, I should have just let it go. Not everything is a challenge to my manhood. If Colleen has told me that once, she’s told me a bazillion times.

As the impromptu dance-off reached its climax, props were unnecessary. I had clearly won by that point. I guess, subconsciously, I wanted to show off my new taser to Bill.

However, I hope you will accept some small responsibility for having surprised me with rice crispy bars. I mean, you know I’m bad with surprises. I’m not saying the tasering is solely your fault, but I do think blame can be shared a little.

Finally, I’m sorry I waited a few minutes before tasering you. My delayed reflexes are one of the reasons I looked into self-defense in the first place. It was not meant as vengeance for you costing me the dancing competition. I understand why it might have come off that way, which is unfortunate.

Anyway, thank you for having me over. Your new home is beautiful, and I’m sure you will get a lot of use out of the pool once the doctors give you the okay.

Sorry again,
Andy